I decided to write this for two reasons: first to vent and second as a way to show you that nothing is perfect, nothing is constant. Tell me what you would do in the comments, I am always ready to learn new things, especially about fibromyalgia 🙂
I’ve had a bad week (thank you fibromyalgia). Very tired, a lot of headache, with no apparent reason. There was a day that I had to lie down because I could not handle the headache, but otherwise I continued my life, slowly, but I did.
For those who do not know me, I’m a person who needs constant news, challenges and who can not stand monotony. One thing that helps me a lot is going to the gym and today I went to Jump, something I love. For those who do not know, Jump is a small trampoline and requires muscular and cardio-respiratory resistance. Obviously I can not do it with the same intensity as is desired or supposed, but I proudly do it! For some it does not mean anything, but for those who have a “friend” that restrains you, this is a great achievement.
I went to the gym, even with headaches and lack of energy, hoping to improve, because energy generates energy, doesn’t it? I can tell you that it did not happen. The class is about 30 minutes, it’s intense, it’s super fun and motivating and I did 10 minutes until I had to stop. However motivated, what the brain asked for, the body rejected. I started having difficulty controlling my breathing, my body was super hot and my muscles did not respond. That’s where I realized that fibromyalgia was dominating, you have to know how to respect it.
Now you think: What then? It turns out, not everyone has good days! Truth. But it is also true that for a person with a history of physical failure, these little things open the wound (which took so long to close), remind us of the times when we were not able to do anything. They hurt a lot. Needless to say how I left there. I went wrong, psychologically.
Contrary to what you think, I am not always strong, I am not always enlightened and full of strength. I also have these dark days that lower your self-esteem and try to steal the little light of strength that exists within us. And it is very difficult to fight them. Now comes the question: what do you do these days? How do you show yourself that it is okay, that you are not a failure, that you are only human? That it is okay to not be able to do what others can?
Tomorrow I’ll be better, with more strength, with more light, I do not promise energy (laughs). But today was difficult. Too much and was no longer supposed to cost so much.
A kiss, of strength, for those who sometimes want to give up. Do not ever.